Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
