organizing the empties. That sober.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
