I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
