and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
