btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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