i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
