I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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