Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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