wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
