Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
