If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
