Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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