i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
