He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
