I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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