i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
