they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
