why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
