Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found your dick twin last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
