you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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