Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
