We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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