my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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