Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
