I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
