paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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