Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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