remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
