it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He felt like a one man threesome
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
