he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
