and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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