I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My ass is underappreciated
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
