it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
