I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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