The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want nice things and good sex
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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