My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
