I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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