the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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