I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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