Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
