what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
