Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
