There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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