Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
