No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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