Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
