Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
