My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
