Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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