I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's blow job season.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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