sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
